Bridezilla
by Shadow Dancer666
Summary: When Reno and Cloud are planning their wedding, the birth of a terrifying creature is witnessed. A BRIDEZILLA! YAOI, RenoxCloud, CloudxReno; WARNING: foul language and implied sexual situations
1. When and Where

It all started out innocently enough; it was Valentine's Day and everyone was celebrating at Tifa's bar. Reno even managed to drag the other Turks and Rufus along with him. Nice music was playing in the background and everyone was drinking to his heart's content. Then Reno pulled Cloud to the side, got down on his knee and held out a sapphire ring as he proposed. No one really noticed until Cloud's uncharacteristic squeal of delight and a very enthused "YES!" deafened all who were near him. As friends cheered for the two lovers and continued to drink a profuse amount of alcohol. Little did anyone know that this simple engagement, a sign of commitment between the lovebirds, would turn out to be the event of the century. The birth of a bridezilla!

The first step (normally) for planning a wedding, is picking a date. This should have been fairly easy, but in this story it was not so. Cloud and Reno were eating some bagels for breakfast at a local bakery near their apartment when they discussed this very question.

"Cloud, do you got a date in mind for our weddin', yo?"

Cloud munched his cinnamon and honey bagel thoughtfully.

"Can it be on the third of April?"

Reno promptly spewed out his coffee.

"_April_? That soon?!"

A small frown formed on Cloud's lips.

"Well, you asked what date I wanted and I told you. If you don't like my suggestions, then don't ask me!"

"Don't get pissy, babe, it's a nice date and all, but that's a little too soon."

"Why," Cloud huffed.

"W-well, because, it just is. People take months to get ready! There are a lot of things to do and we shouldn't rush it."

"April is in a few months."

"Two months! More like one and a half! That's not enough time!"

"What are we waiting on? We're already living together, we have sex several times a day, and we cook each other breakfast once in a while! We're just getting married to make it a solid commitment."

Reno shook his head.

"C'mon, please, just a little longer." He batted his eyelashes at his boyfriend.

"Fine," Cloud sighed. "Then how about the seventeenth of April?"

Reno slammed his head into the table.

Once the date was set for July 25, they began making calls to find a suitable place to wed. The two worked tirelessly to find the perfect place. The two being Cloud and Rude; Reno fell asleep after the first two calls and Rude had to pick up the slack for him. Once they thought they found a good place, they would wake up Reno and ask his opinion. Reno managed to come up with an excuse for every single place, and soon Rude took the job of keeping Cloud from murdering his fiancé. Finally in a huff, Cloud made the final decision without consulting Reno.

"Hey, partner, I'm out of here."

Reno blinked the sleep from his eyes and looked over at Rude.

"Huh?"

"I'm done, so I'm going to get a real strong drink."

"…Done?"

"Ask Cloud."

With that Rude ran off before getting involved in a lover's quarrel.

"What the heck, Cloud?"

Cloud looked up from his stack of phone numbers.

"Excuse me?"

"Why did you decide on a place all on your own? Why didn't you ask me?" 

Cloud smiled a sickeningly fake smile.

"Because you wouldn't agree to a single damn place, that's why."

"You're just being sensitive," Reno mumbled.

"Really?" Cloud asked cheerily.

Fifteen minutes later…

"Rude!" Rude looked out his apartment's window to see Reno sporting a black eye and his I-got-in-trouble-again grin. "Can I stay at your place tonight?"

He just shook his head in annoyance.

"Of course you can stay, Reno. I bet you didn't even bother to ask where you're getting married."

"Uh, no I didn't exactly have time when he was swinging his big ass sword at my neck! So where am I getting married?"

"Costa del Sol."

"Shit!" Reno whined. "You know that sun's bad on my skin!"

To be continued….


	2. Who's the fairer of them all?

**Well, I'm thoroughly enjoying writing this story. It's my chance to let loose and write crack! I hope you enjoy it as much as I do!**

Once the date and location of the wedding was confirmed, the next step for the couple was to find a wedding planner who was able to bring their vision of a perfect wedding to reality. This proved to be quite difficult.

"Reno, do you really need to brandish your E-mag when you ask the planner questions? It's threatening."

Reno rolled his eyes.

"C'mon, babe, it's not like I'm trying to scare them away, I just want us to get one with balls. Like, someone with great vision and the fortitude to carry it out."

"You need to learn to not be so picky," Cloud sighed.

"Or what, you'll decide for me?"

"Tempting," Cloud mumbled. "Oh! Hey, look! An Italian restaurant! Let's take a break and eat!"

Without waiting for a reply, Cloud rushed off towards the restaurant. Now it was Reno's turn to sigh. And Cloud thought that food and sex was the only thing on _his_ mind. As Reno began to cross the street to Vinnie's Italian Food, a little store tucked between the buildings caught his attention. It was small yet bold and in gothic script in the window it read: Wedding Planner.

"_Holy shit! Am I lucky or what! A place that looks like it just might give me what I want."_

Not that Reno wanted some punk rock kind of wedding, he just wanted something unique. And that store oozed of originality. Taking a quick detour, Reno entered the building. The bright orange walls were covered with brown frames containing pictures with different sceneries. A lady with black hair and purple streaks in her hair sat at the front desk.

"Hey, doll, what can I do for ya," she asked when Reno entered.

"Do you guys serve meatball?" he asked sarcastically, "Duh, I'm lookin' for a wedding planner."

"Listen, smart ass, we can get any kind of caterer that you want. Meatballs? No problem. Now if you're done wasting my time with dumb replies, let's get down to business."

Reno sat down on the purple seat in front of the desk.

"You guys don't seem very color coordinated, yo."

"Says a man? What, are ya gay or somethin'?"

"As a matter of fact, I am, bitch."

"All right then, dickhead, what are you and your boy toy lookin' for in your wedding? Barbie's dreamland, purple paradise, or what?"

"That's stereotyping ya know," Reno grumbled. "No we're not _that_ gay."

"Well, then how gay are you?"

"Gay enough to be fucking each other, but not gay enough to be wearing lots of pink or purple or flowers and shit."

"So, where and when is your wedding?"

"It's July 25 at the beach resort in Costa del Sol."

The lady looked at her calendar and made a few notes. She pushed up her thick black rimmed glasses up her nose before she turned her attention back to him.

"Lucky for you, we're available for that. With a beginning fee of one hundred gil and a twenty five percent commission of all that you spend, we are yours for the taking."

Reno thought about it for a moment. Money wasn't the issue; being a Turk with little need for money, he had saved up quite a bit of gil. He was just trying to decide if these people deserved the money.

"Why should I pay you instead of another wedding planner, yo?"

The lady smiled, genuinely amused.

"You want unique, well here ya go."

She handed Reno a photo album that contained thousands of pictures. Once Reno handed back the album, his eyebrows had practically disappeared into his hair line.

"Well, shit. All right, you're hired! By the way, what's your name?"

"My name is Jacinda Black. It's nice to do business with you Mr…"

"Reno, just Reno."

"Ok, Reno, our first appointment will be this Friday at nine in the morning. We'll go over the theme of the wedding and some of the little details."

"See you then."

Reno got up and left with a sense of accomplishment. He had finally made a decision! He walked next door to the Italian restaurant and found a very pissy Cloud.

"Hey _baby_, where have you been?"

"Aw, don't be pissy with me! Guess what? I found us a wedding planner! Our first appointment is Friday!"

Cloud glared at Reno. It was at this moment that he realized that he might have made a mistake.

"You didn't bother to consult with me about this? Is that what you've been doing while I've been sitting here _waiting_ for you!"

"C'mon! You got to pick the date and the place, and I was just helping out! Besides, it's my money, at least let me make one decision!"

Cloud began to pout and looked very upset. "But I wanted to help," he mumbled.

"Listen, I'm sorry, babe," Reno sighed. "From now on, how about we work together on everything so that no one is left out.

"You promise," Cloud mumbled as he gave Reno his most disarming puppy eyes.

"Yeah, I promise."

The room seemed to brighten considerably when Cloud got cheerful; maybe it was the glow in the Mako eyes, but regardless the red-head felt better about the entire thing. He felt so good in fact that he grabbed Cloud and pulled him on his lap before he proceeded to ravage those pouty lips. For once Cloud didn't mind either, and the two made out quite happily.

///that Friday///

Cloud and Reno made it to the little shop at exactly eight fifty nine in the morning and were greeted by Jacinda and a man with so many piercings that children would run away screaming. Reno winced just looking at them.

"All right, so this is your boy toy, Reno?" Jacinda asked while she set down a large stack of binders.

Cloud raised his eyebrow. "My name is Cl-"

Before he could finish, the guy with the piercings jumped up and yelled, "Holy Shiva! You're Cloud Strife, the Savior of the Planet!"

Startled, Cloud blushed and mumbled something along the lines of, "It wasn't that big of a deal."

Jacinda looked up and actually noticed the blond and realized that her partner was right.

"Oh my Gaia! I can't believe that we're doing your wedding! And you're _gay_!!! I'm so glad to meet you Mr. Strife!"

Cloud continued to get more and more red at the other man's excitement while Reno laughed at him. Reactions like that never failed to give him a good reason to laugh at Cloud. The man was now shaking Cloud's hand furiously and spewing other fan nonsense.

"Calm down Eric!" Jacinda yelled, "Let's just get down to fucking business!"

Eric continued to smile (which looked quite painful considering the large amount of metal in his face) as he sat down next to Jacinda. She pulled out a large blue folder and motioned for the two men to sit down. Once they were seated, she began the interrogation.

"So let's see. Which one of you is the bitch?"

The language seemed to shock Cloud considerably. He was used to dealing with foul-mouthed men, but women were still saints in his eyes. Women did not use language such as Cid would.

"Well, he-" began Reno before he got elbowed roughly by Cloud.

"Excuse me, but what the hell does that have to do with anything?" asked the blond through gritted teeth. He shot Reno a deadly glare.

"Well, one of you is gonna wear a dress, and it's only logical that the bitch does it," Jacinda explained as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

Cloud paled and Reno snickered. Although they both took turns topping, Cloud was the decidedly more gay of the two, thus he ended up being the more uke of the two. Images of Cloud prancing around in a dress had Reno clutching his sides from the intensity of his laughs.

"Please excuse us for a minute," Cloud asked before he grabbed Reno's arm and dragged him to the front of the store. "What the hell!" he hissed. "I am not wearing a fucking dress!"

"Oh, c'mon!" Reno pleaded as he wiped the tears from his eyes. "You'll be fucking gorgeous!"

"I look gorgeous no matter what," Cloud huffed, "I just don't want to be in a dress. That would be to embarrassing."

Reno's grin did nothing to change Cloud's mind. In fact, it made him feel more strongly about his decision.

"Miss Jacinda, can't we just leave the dress out?" asked Cloud across the room.

She rose her eyebrows. "Listen up, uke, if you want a good wedding then you'll listen to my advice. And my advice is to take your pride and shove it up your ass and pick a fucking dress."

Cloud blushed even harder. "W-who says I'm the uke?"

Jacinda rolled her eyes. "Puh-lease! As if it's not obvious."

Cloud huffed and Reno snickered. "Well, why doesn't Reno wear the dress?" he shot back. "He would wear a dress better than I would."

Reno was taken aback. "What the fuck! I've never worn a dress before /cough cough/. Besides, you're the one with experience."

"How dare you bring that up! T-that was completely unfair! I only did it to save Tifa! I-it's not like I enjoyed wearing it!"

Eric was totally happy watching the two fight, and Jacinda rubbed her temples. Reno stopped laughing and took a deep breath.

"All right, angel, just hear me out," He whispered. "If you wear the dress, I promise I won't make fun of you. I'll probably get a nose bleed, and besides if would just be sexy!" He wrapped his arms around the reluctant blond. "Please? For me? I'll let you win the next argument, ok?"

Cloud sighed in defeat. "Well, it will be a private wedding anyway. It's not the entire Planet will know."

"You're totally right, babe. The only ones who'll know are your closest friends and the people you see every day."

For some reason, that didn't make Cloud feel any better.

To be continued…..

**/grins/ well, i hoped you liked this. Jacinda was made up as i began typing. i couldn't think of any canon character that i could use, thus the foul-mouthed Jacinda was born. please review and let me know what you guys think! i am open for any suggestions or help. **


	3. Uninvited Guests

Bridezilla Chapter 3

Disclaimer: i don't own Square Enix's characters.

this is what happens when you listen to your aunt's creepy conversations and google strange things.

* * *

Planning a wedding is a big deal, and it takes patience, cooperation, and lots of money. Money was not an issue, but between a red-headed Turk and an emo blond known for saving the PLANET, patience and cooperation were needed badly. 

Once it was agreed that Cloud was going to wear a dress, there were color schemes to pick, invitation cards to order, appointments that needed to be made for tasting cake and picking out food for dinner. And no, Reno didn't win the let's-just-have-some-chicken-wings-fight. It did help that Reno was almost color blind (when it comes to matching), and the first day of appointments ended with a bang. Literally.

Being a Turk, Reno was always the target of angry mobsters that Shinra didn't like, but happily, no one but the would-be assassin was injured. That and there were a few holes in the bright orange walls. Several thousand gil lighter, Reno and Cloud walked out of the wedding planner's shop confident that they could pull this off.

A few days later, and they weren't so sure. The stress was high when they had to decide who to invite to the private wedding, and why Reno couldn't wear his Turk uniform, and how the hell were people supposed to get to Costa del Sol, why were the invitations maroon instead of burgundy, etc.; fortunately, the two men found a way to handle the extremely stressful situation.

"Mmm, angel, I can almost swear that you stress me out so much just so that we fuck like this…"

"W-well, nnngh, you're not opposed to it, ne?"

"Can't say I am."

Cloud's groan was the only reply as Reno had his way with the blond pinned against the headboard. It was always fun to see what new angles and positions he could get Cloud into. Suddenly there was a loud "crack" and a whole lot of cursing. Reno fell back away from a surprised Cloud, and when he didn't move the ex-SOLDIER scanned the room already on fight mode. Not sensing any danger, Cloud couldn't figure out what was Reno's problem.

"Hey, what's wrong?"

"//CENSORED//"

"Just tell me what the hell's wrong, Reno. Damn, do you have to act like a baby now? I'm already hard…"

"//CENSORED//"

With a huff, Cloud stood up and stared at the curled up man. "Fine, when you decide that you can be mature, and you're ready to have sex, just let me know. I'll be waiting in the shower."

There was a mumble from the bed.

"Excuse me? I don't speak idiot."

"I said," Reno whispered in a higher pitched octave, "it feels like my dick is freakin' broke."

Cloud continued to stare at the not moving form.

"Uh, Reno, that's not possible. Your boner doesn't have a bone. How the hell did you mange to hurt your dick anyway?"

"Headboard. Hit the headboard."

"Here, let me see it," Cloud sighed, sitting on the edge of the bed.

"No! You can't just look at Mr. Johnson! That's weird!"

"Should be Mrs. Johnson," the blond mumbled. "Just let me see, and quit being a baby about it! We're both adults, surely we can handle this situation like mature men."

"No…"

"RENO STRYKER SHOW ME YOUR //CENSORED// COCK RIGHT NOW!!!"

"'K, geeze…"

Not needing to turn on the light, Cloud spread Reno's legs and took a good look. And stared.

"Is it bad?" the red-head asked nervously.

"…"

"Wha-? Tell me!"

"It's, er, crooked…"

"Oh my fucking Hades! It's crooked?! I'm…it's broken?!"

"AH HA HA HA HA!"

Cloud burst into laughter, doubling over. He couldn't help but laugh at the stupidity of the situation, and of course at Reno's reaction for injuring his manlihood.

"Shut up, Strife! What am I gonna do! I can't have it crooked!"

Reno cried in pain when his boyfriend's hand accidentally brushed the swollen and bruising member. Still trying to stop the laughter, Cloud managed to convince Reno to head to the hospital. Surely a doctor would know what to do in a situation such as this.

Three hours and eight bags of ice later, Cloud was pissed and ready to drag his lover into the emergency room half naked and flailing. When they arrived at the hospital, in Reno's never used car mind you, the Turk had misgivings and decided that he really didn't want a doctor getting to personal with him. Argument after argument, only interrupted by Cloud getting new ice bags, the Mako enhanced man had finally had enough.

"If you don't get your skinny white ass in that emergency room right now, I will personally drag you in there and loudly announce that you need your dick fixed. We can do this the easy or the hard way, your choice."

Reno whimpered. "Fine, but I'm gonna need some help, yo. And let's keep this real quiet, k?"

"I promise, I won't say a thing."

Helping Reno into a pair of sweat pants, both of them made there way into the emergency room. Once a nurse became aware of the situation, she had a doctor see to him right away. With a few laughs of course. Finally getting a moment to relax, Cloud sat down in the waiting room and picked up a gossip magazine. Flipping through it (because he had nothing better to do cough cough), Cloud suddenly went very still and all the blood dropped to his feet.

In large bold letters, "Hero of the World is Gay and Getting Married" was plastered across two pages and under it were pictures of him and Reno at the wedding store and making out in a secluded corner of the Italian restaurant. Reading the article, Cloud became horrified when he realized that the media had gotten their dirty hands into all the information and had publicly announced his wedding in Costa del Sol.

Numerous quotes from different celebrities and news leaders littered the pages, and he found out that he now had an official yaoi fan club. That and there were several other fans who would like to dock their boat in his bay. By the time Reno came out with crutches, Cloud was in a daze and almost on the verge of tears. By the gods, he hadn't even gotten around to telling Tifa yet; she was going to kill him.

"Hey, angel, you're lookin' kind a pale," Reno stated in his still high pitched voice. "I'm gonna be ok, yo, you're not gonna have to get screwed crooked." When Cloud didn't laugh or get mad, the red-head got worried. "What's wrong?"

When he was handed the magazine, Reno also blanched. By the time he got through, he was pissed.

"How did they know?" Cloud whispered.

"Those assholes," Reno hissed. "Shiva, they've got no life but to tear other peoples' down. And how dare what's-his-face say he wouldn't mind putting his //CENSORED// where it don't belong! You're my boyfriend, and I'll be damned if anyone gets away with speaking about you that way!"

Realizing that all the nurses and doctors were staring, Reno piped down blushing.

"It's ruined," Cloud sighed.

"You know what? No. I'm not going to let some media bastards ruin this for us. We are going to get married, and we are going to enjoy every damn minute of it!"

He pulled Cloud into a tight hug and delved into those precious lips giving comfort and support. The hero hugged Reno back tightly and let his passion take over. They loved each other, and no one was going to stop them. There would be a wedding if it was the last thing this PLANET knew.

However the next morning left both of them realizing that it would be a hell of a lot harder. Cloud had opened the door for the morning paper (only in his robe) to find it swamped with the paparazzi. Slamming the door before they had a chance to ask questions and start the harassment, Cloud walked back to the kitchen to grab his buster sword. No one stood between him and the paper he paid for.

"Uh, angel?" Reno began, still pouring coffee into an already overflowing cup. "Maybe we should just elope."

Cloud turned to see his and Reno's face plastered all over the morning news. That is, explicit pictures of Reno trying to devour his face last night at the hospital were plastered all over the news.

"Shit."

Reno whimpered. "The Boss is gonna hang me by the balls for this…"

* * *

wow, so yeah. breaking one's Mr. Johnson IS real and can be medically treated. as a matter of fact, it should be treated very quickly in the case that it does happen. for more info just google it. you'll find plenty of information. /goes back to writing the novel/ a little less than 42,000 words to go... /sweatdrop/ i hope you guys enjoy this! and i can't figure out how to bold...it won't do it.../sigh/ 


	4. Mother In Laws

**Hello there to everyone who is still around!!!! -happy sigh- Well, I decided to take this off of hiatus and finish it off thanks to touching words from my dearest Bekas Strife. 3 This is short as usual, but I hope that you all will enjoy it. If the humor isn't too funny, please forgive me. I've been swamping myself in too much angst lately. -pout-**

**Chapter 4: The mother-in-laws**

One thing that most people overlook when they are planning a wedding is the ever present mother-in-laws. Brides usually think that since it's their wedding that they get things done their way, but once the mother-in-laws appear, everything go to hell. This is especially true in the case of Bridezillas and their unfortunate fiancé.

"Well, Boss, it's not like I went out of m' way to get such publicity."

The red-headed Turk was currently trying not to melt into a puddle of goo from the intensity of Rufus's glare. Stating that the President was going to have his balls was a huge understatement

"Reno, I'm going to kill you," the young President hissed in fury making his subordinate pale. "Why the hell do I have to learn about my own Turk's wedding on Entertainment Tonight!"

"Er, you watch ET, Boss?"

"That's not the point!"

"Excuse me, sir." Tseng came in to see Reno flat on his ass trying not to cry from the pain of dodging sharp letter openers and heavy paper weights since he was still on crutches trying to recover from a "torn groin muscle".

"What?" Rufus snapped as he prepared to launch a few more things at his idiot Turk.

"A certain busty brunette is here to strangle Reno."

"By all means, let her in."

Reno jumped to his feet (painfully, albeit) and hobbled to his Boss.

"Oh Shiva, don't let her get me! I'll do anything!"

Where was Rude when he was needed the most?! Tifa came flying into the room spewing fire and brimstone. In the doorway Reno could see what was left of his lover.

"You //censored// worthless, scum! How dare you take Cloud away from me and-"

"Wait a sec," Reno interrupted as he attempted to get behind Rufus's large chair, "weren't you at the party where I proposed to him? Like, shouldn't you already know about this, yo?"

Yes, he was merely buying time since everyone in the room already knew that he wouldn't have had the balls to propose if Tifa _was_ there.

"If I was there, do you think that you'd be here?!" Now she was powering up her complicated Limit Break and Rufus realized that he was going to be collateral damage.

"Wait a second, Ms. Lockheart, but I'm afraid that I have dibs on killing Reno first."

Turing to the unfortunate man, he pulled out his Ivory Beast (gun) but Tifa wasn't about to let someone else take her prey. Naturally, there was a huge fight in the President's office while Reno tried to hide under the heavy desk. He figured that it would at least shield him from some of the shrapnel. Once again, Tseng was the one to break it up.

"Sir, now there are paparazzi at the front desk wanting a statement from you. On top of that, there is a certain Jacinda Black who is threatening to fry Reno's balls if he doesn't come down and finalize some decisions on the color scheme and table decorations."

"Freakin' Odin, why is everyone trying to get my balls?" Reno groaned.

"Table decorations?" Tifa chirped. "You mean you not only had the gall to get engaged without telling me, but now you've gone and ordered the decorating without my consent?!"

"Color scheme?" Rufus hissed. "You're worried about color schemes? The first thing you need to focus on is getting reservations for the guests! Everyone knows about that!"

"Er, uh, Cloud pretty much takes care of everything…"

But by now two new beasts were unleashed from their hell, the mother-in-laws.

"Rufus, are you an idiot?" Tifa snapped. "You _never_ worry about reservations until after you get the wedding theme planned out."

"Just because you are of the female persuasion doesn't mean that you are automatically right about wedding stuff," he shot back. "The theme is always being tweaked and it would be foolish to wait until that is done before you make reservations for the guest. If you do that, they won't arrive until _after_ the wedding."

"In your case, that would be a good thing!"

"Cloud," Reno whispered under the roar of those two bickering. "Maybe we really should consider eloping."

"I hear you," he groaned.

* * *

Little Miss Black was not to happy to hear that things were having to be changed all over again, but Reno promised to pay extra if she would just mediate between the two bickering in-laws.

"Burgandy is a hideous color, are you two out of your mind?!" Tifa exclaimed.

"They're guys, regardless of their sexual orientation, what did you expect?" Rufus bit back. "And they're not going to like any color you choose because you're a girl and girls can't pick guy colors."

"Oh, so you think they'll pick the colors you like?"

By now, Cloud couldn't help but jump into the argument. After all, it was _his _wedding.

"Hey, I'll pick the color I want! It's my wedding!"

"But, Cloud," Tifa whined, "you don't know how to do these things. I can do it better."

"Oh, so now you're being sexist?" taunted Rufus.

"We obviously can't take your advice," she retorted. "Seriously, look at your plain white wardrobe. There's no way in hell that they're having a black and white wedding!"

"Who says that I'll pick a black-and-white wedding theme?!"

"I don't want that," Cloud whined as he tugged on Reno's sleeve. "We already made the decision, so…"

"Cloud," Tifa interrupted. "Let me take care of this."

"But-"

"Put a sock in it already," Rufus hissed. "We'll never get this done if you keep interrupting."

"But it's my damn wedding! Reno, make him leave me alone!"

The Turk and Jacinda were deep in a thumb war battle and he just shrugged.

"C'mon, sugar, just play nice."

"I'm not going to freakin' play nice when he's trying to ruin my wedding!"

"Hey, it's not just him," Reno replied defensively. "What about your surrogate mother over there, yo? She's the one who started this crap."

"Do you even know what surrogate means, Reno," she threw back at him. "How does Cloud put up with such an uneducated piece of garbage like you?"

"Oh, like a bar waitress like you is _so_ much better?" Rufus shot in defense of his Turk.

"Tch, and I thought that you two were bad," Jacinda mumbled as she looked back at her notes which were now full of crossed out stuff. "Wake me up when they're done arguing."

But enough was going to be enough. Cloud's blue eyes lit up in fury at being denied his god-given right to pick his own color scheme. The Bridezilla buried within the man reared it's gloriously well-groomed head and Reno covered his ears in time to save them from the ear-shattering bitching that everyone was about to get.

"THAT'S IT!!!!!! I'M THE BRIDE, AND WHAT I WANT WILL GO!!!! IF YOU WANT SO FREAKIN' BAD TO PICK COLORS, GO GET YOUR OWN DAMN WEDDING!!!"

Tifa looked a little surprised at her ex-gay-boyfriend and Rufus rubbed his ears in pain, but that didn't stop the ranting.

"Is it too much to ask that I have _one_ special day with the man that I'll be spending the rest of my life with? We're getting married and no one is going to stop us!"

"Er, Cloud, they're not trying to stop-"

"We love each other and that's all that matters! You guys are just jealous that I have such a fine piece of man-meat pounding my ass every night!"

"_Cloud!_" Reno tried again, only to be ignored as usual.

"Well guess what, bitches?! He's mine and back to the color scheme, I picked it already so that's final! Got it?!"

Everyone stared at the blond dumbly, trying to figure out how he managed to run through several topics like nobody's business. Yes, that was a special talent of all Bridezillas. That and drinking a lot before the big day.

"Is everything changing back?" Jacinda asked as she doodled inappropriate things on Reno's arm with a permanent marker.

"Yes," Cloud stated. "It's my day, and that's that. If you two want an invitation, then you better piss off!"

Tifa looked ready to argue, but Rufus stopped her.

"There's no use in fighting this," he sighed before a sinister twinkle appeared in his eye. "Well, we'll just see you guys at the wedding!"

"Wait, you gave up to quickly!" Reno protested, knowing that it was never a good sign when Rufus backed down like that.

"See you back at the _office_," he replied with that cold smile.

A light bulb lit over Tifa's head and she grinned just as wickedly.

"Yeah, Reno, see you at the office!"

"Why me?" Reno asked no one in particular as he banged his head on the wall. "Why me?"

"Ah, at least all that is cleared up!" Cloud said cheerfully.

"I hate weddings," the red-head mumbled.

**Author's notes: If you don't get it (which you probably won't because I suck at writing these things), Rufus and Tifa don't mind backing down for now because they'll just get Reno at the office. Since he's part of the process and a far easier prey than Cloud-zilla, they'll get their way through him. In the least, he'll get yelled at instead of them. Sorry if that wasn't clear!**

**Please Review!  
**


	5. 15 days

**Yo, what up peeps. XD An idea occured to me; something that would be cool and at the same time, give me the incentive to finish this up soon. Since you guys probably don't remember, the wedding date was set for July 25, so I decided that I would upload the final chapter to this by July 25. I don't know if I'm biting off more than I can chew, but that's the plan! Please support me, and as always, I hope you enjoy reading this.**

**Warning: no censoring this time for foul language  
**

* * *

"I really, really, _really_ hate weddings," Reno whimpered as he curled up under Rude's desk.

Rude nodded sympathetically. "I hear you, partner."

"Seriously, why did I have to propose? We were perfectly happy before, and now? I…I'm not sure if all this is worth it."

"Do you love him?" the bald Costan asked as he continued with his and Reno's paperwork.

"Hell yeah, of course I do."

"Then nothing's not worth it, Reno."

Tears welled in the thin Turk's eyes and he glomped his best friend's let. "Y-you always know what to say, Rude. You're the best, you really are."

Rude reached down and patted his unfortunate friend's head. "I think the coast's clear, buddy. Tifa's been gone for thirty minutes now."

"She's a sneaky bitch, so you can't be too careful," Reno hissed as he sunk further back into the shadows under the desk.

Only a few seconds later, the office door slammed open making both of them jump up. The dull thud of Reno's head hitting the bottom of the drawer was inconsequential as the overpowering aura of a determined Bridezilla shone out.

"Reno?" he called out firmly.

The mess of bright red hair peeked up from under the desk. "Babe?"

A frown crossed those utterly sinful lips. "What are you doing under Rude's _desk_?"

"Hiding," Reno replied warily.

"Oh, is that all? I mean, you're not giving him a little _extra_ service?"

Reno frowned and confusion wrinkled his brow. "Er, is something wrong? This is _Rude_, my friend, a fellow Turk. Why the heck would I give his lazy ass a blowjob?"

"You're always together, you spend more time with _him _than with _me_, and I mean, it only makes sense." As he spoke, tears welled in his crystal blue eyes and his hands clenched the edge of his shirt. Immediately, Reno knew that this was something else completely. His little sugar bear was upset with something.

Getting up with the help of his crutches, Reno quickly made his way to his lover and gave him a firm hug. Cloud struggled weakly before crumbling in his fiancé's arms. "All right, tell me what's bothering you."

"I…Reno, I have to tell you. I can't hide it anymore!"

All kinds of thoughts ran through Reno's mind a million miles an hour. Was Cloud cheating on him? Was he tired already of dealing with a nagging Turk? Was he having a Geostigma relapse? "You can tell me, I promise! Please, you don't have to hide anything from me."

"Reno," Cloud started with a quivering lower lip, "I decided to change the color scheme for the wedding."

Silence. It took the usually impulsive Turk several minutes to process the information and when he did, he was still dumbfounded. "Uh, ok?"

"You don't hate me?" the emotionally unstable blond asked.

"No? I mean…damn it, I thought you were dying or something, yo!"

"This is _worse_ than dying!" Cloud snapped in reply as he pushed himself out of his man's arms. "I have to re-order everything! Not only that, but Jacinda is going to be charging us extra because we've already finalized the theme color! It's an utter mess you insensitive jackass!"

"I'm not insensitive!" Reno shouted back, now thoroughly pissed. "And it's not like money's a big deal or anything! Just change the damn colors and get it over with!"

"Shiva, it's like you don't even care! I mean, why the hell am I marrying someone who doesn't care?"

"What the heck are you smoking?! If I didn't care, I wouldn't tell you to change the colors! I would have just told you to suck it up!"

"Oh, sure," Cloud hissed. "So I should just bend over and give you some booty, just because you're doing what a normal husband would do?"

Reno was at a loss. "Shiva, am I marrying a pregnant and bitchy bride?" he asked as he threw his hands up.

Cloud was about to retort to that, but then a wicked grin spread across his beautiful face. "Well, I can make sure that you'll never have kids," he said sweetly before his foot connected with Reno's crotch.

* * *

"You know I love you," Cloud cooed as he snuggled to his boyfriend's side.

"Mmmhhhm," Reno replied in a higher octave voice than usual. "More ice."

"Ok," the bipolar bride replied cheerfully. As he headed to the kitchen, he continued talking. "I went and talked to Jacinda, you know. She agreed to switch everything up!"

"Th-that's nice," Reno whimpered. "Ifrit's hell, why do they always go for the groin?" he whispered to himself.

Cloud pretended not to hear. "Yeah, so now the color is rich crimson and deep ocean blue."

"Okay."

"So, I re-ordered all the invitations, all the decorations, and all the flowers."

"Babe, do you realize how long we have until the wedding?" Reno called out as he stared at the calendar on the bedside table.

"Of course I do! Unlike you, I keep track of this sort of thing."

"Why the hell didn't you tell me it was only 15 damn days away?!" he cried out in panic. "All that work and you decide to change everything 15 days before the fucking wedding?!"

Walking in slowly with a heavy bag of ice, Cloud put on his frigid smile once more. "You said I could, dearest. It's not like I was hiding anything from you; after all, you have the ability to see the calendar yourself."

"Yeah, but I'm fucking busy working to pay off this wedding!"

"Oh, poor baby," the younger of the two clucked in fake sympathy. "Now, listen well, or I'll crush your balls." That threat was enough to make Reno clench his mouth shut. "I am the bride here. Me. This is _my_ wedding, and I will do it _my_ way. I will be fucking happy on that day, and no one is going to screw this up."

Reno just nodded. Just as if a switch was thrown, a sincere smile curled up on his lips and he delicately placed the heavy bag on his husband-to-be's groin. Wincing in pain, Reno couldn't help but wonder how the hell he was expected to survive the upcoming wedding. He watched television and he knew that the critical few weeks before a wedding was when the Bridezilla reared its fierce head. He just couldn't help but wonder if he would even survive the ordeal.


	6. Cake

**Hurray, another chapter! So, most of the stuff will have to wait for next week, but I'll have to be updating almost on a daily basis then. Hope I can do it! Thanks for everyone who read/reviewed/favorited and I hope that you all will enjoy this till the very end. **

**

* * *

_/July 16/_**

Cake testing, what was supposed to be the most enjoyable part of the whole damn wedding process. Seriously, Reno wasn't allowed to go to the dress fitting because of some superstitious shit, picking flowers would put him to sleep, and all the decoration stuff was just not his forte. So, yes, cake tasting was the only thing he looked forward to. Besides the wedding of course. Yeah.

Sitting down in a bright clean room, Reno and Cloud waited patiently and admired the cake models lined up on the wall. "I want something traditional," Cloud said cheerily as he pointed to a plain cake with some delicate hand-painted flowers.

"That looks too boring," Reno mumbled as he stroked his lover's hand. "I like that one better," he exclaimed, pointing to a more extravagant and colorful cake with a towering seven layers.

"That's too gaudy," Cloud huffed.

"We'll only have one wedding in our lives, babe, so let's make it grand."

Although Reno fully expected Cloud to have a hissy fit, he was pleasantly surprised when his boyfriend gave him an affectionate hug instead. "Do you realize how sweet you are?" Cloud cooed, giving Reno a peck on the cheek. "I'm so glad that you're taking our wedding seriously! I plan on staying with you for the rest of my life too."

Wow, his baby was being pretty hormonal lately. Maybe he really was marrying a pregnant ex-SOLDIER. Lovely. Still, he couldn't help smiling like an idiot; he wouldn't want to marry anyone else on the entire PLANET. "Leave all that sappy shit for our honeymoon," Reno snorted as he stroked Cloud's cheek.

"Sorry for the wait," the young woman apologized as she walked in with her clipboard in hand. Her hair was kept up in a neat bun, and the faint scent of lily petals wafted through the air around her. "Do you have anything in mind?" she asked sweetly. Her name tag read "Erika".

"Well, Reno is leaning towards something unconventional and bold, while I am more interested in something a bit more conservative and elegant."

Erika grinned and began taking notes. "Don't worry! It's not unusual for couples to have completely different tastes. I have full faith that we'll be able to come to a compromise."

"Great, then let's get this ball rolling," Reno announced whole-heartedly. Just then, he noticed as the young lady's smile faltered. Looking over his shoulder, a groan slipped past his lips. Cloud looked back too and an unhappy huff sounded off.

Crowding in front of the clean windows, paparazzi were packed like a can of sardines, all with their cameras and notepads out. A few of the reporters were already clicking away, not even waiting for the now-famous couple to pick out a damned cake.

"Um, do you mind if we take this out to the back room?" Cloud asked as he let his fingers gently glide over the hilt of his Ultima weapon.

"No, not at all, Mr. Strife," the woman agreed. "I'm s-sorry about the media."

"It's all right," Reno grumbled as he fingered his trusty E-mag. "Those bastards have been following us everywhere."

Slipping to the back room, the couple ignored the audible groans of protests. Everyone and their grandmother wanted to know what the new celebrities were going to have as a wedding cake. Once they were all situated on uncomfortable stools (Reno needed a cushion), Erika brought over two plates with the flavor samples. Chocolate, vanilla, pineapple, red velvet, and even strawberry.

"Oh, mmmm," Reno moaned as he tasted the moist cake. "That's good, that's fucking good."

Cloud nodded in agreement and smiled as his lover moaned some more when he took another bite of the cake. It was so cute. "Ok, I'm thinking that if we settle for four layers, we can have two different flavors."

Reno pouted at only getting four layers. "If we're gonna do that, then why don't we just have four different flavors, yo?"

Cloud rolled his eyes. "That just wouldn't taste good, babe."

"Well, you wouldn't have to have a piece from every layer," Reno shot back. "I will of course."

"No, we're not having four flavors," Cloud whined in annoyance. "It would ruin the whole damn flavor!"

"We're not mixing all the flavors!" Reno shot back, not at all happy with the fact that his idea had been shot down. "They'll be in _different_ layers!"

"Yes, genius, but the layers are on top of the other!"

"Get the layers on different pedestals or something then, yo!"

Erika watched nervously as the two warriors faced off against each other in the small office/kitchen. She really would prefer it if they didn't spill blood, but she vaguely wondered if that was hoping for too much. Perhaps making the cake for the temperamental men's wedding wasn't such a good idea.

* * *

"That went well!" Cloud cheered happily as he stretched out on his favorite couch.

Reno looked over and stuck his tongue out. Still limping along on crutches, the red-head slowly worked his way to get an ice pack for his swollen eye. "I didn't get what I wanted, so excuse me if I don't share your enthusiasm."

"Well, it's _my_ wedding, so _I _should get anything I want," Cloud stated. Reno grinded his teeth in frustration, but he knew that it would be pointless to get into yet another argument with his lover. Nine more days, and it would all be over.

"Hey, what's the schedule looking like?" the Turk asked as he slid down onto his armchair with a pained grunt.

"Well, we've got to go pick out the flowers and centerpieces on Monday, and from there on out things will get crazy. Wedding favors need to be wrapped, dresses need to be tried on, suits need to be tried on, and then we've got to herd everyone to Costa del Sol where we'll spend the entire weekend trying to keep everyone happy."

"Sounds lovely," Reno grumbled as he patted Cloud's elevated feet. "Can I just ask you one favor, babe?"

"Hm? Anything, Reno."

"No more groin shots," he groaned as he adjusted on his seat. "I want to be able to enjoy the damned honeymoon, ya know."

Cloud just giggled and sat up to entwine fingers with his lover. "Ok, fine. No more groin shots." Reno sighed in relief. "However, I will not hesitate to break your fingers, so behave."

"Yes, dear."


	7. Favors

_**/July 22/**_

"Are you freakin' kidding me?!"

Reno felt like crying as he lifted up the pillow over his face and faced the glaring light of the overhead light bulb. "Yes, babe?" he whimpered, hoping that he wasn't going to have to spend another precious hour arguing when he could be catching up on sleep.

Cloud's furious and yet still divine form towered over the exhausted groom-to-be. "Are you trying to _sleep_?"

"Uh, yeah, that would be the plan."

"In what Gaea-forsaken universe are you allowed to sleep before our wedding?!" he shrieked angrily.

"Make it stop," Reno whispered, half-hoping that some deity would take pity on him.

"First, you couldn't even make it to our appointment over the flowers; the fucking flowers! It wasn't too much to ask of you, but no, you couldn't get your lazy ass up to help me."

"Cloud, honey, darling, I was busy assassinating someone."

"That's no excuse!" Cloud fumed, stomping his foot. "I have work too, yet I manage to do _all_ the work!"

"Okay! Fuck, I'll forego my daily requirement of sleep, yo! W-what do you want me to do?"

Cloud huffed. "Well, I need help wrapping the party favors."

"What are the favors?" the red-head groaned as he sat up from his spot on their bed.

"Everyone is getting a customized candle in a frosted glass candle-holder, complimenting scented soap, and personalized handwritten thank-you cards."

"Er, is that all on my credit card?"

"Of course."

"Yeah, of course. So, why couldn't you get it wrapped by a pro or something? I mean, that would save us the time…and it's not like you are worried about my money or anything…"

"Oh, so now it's my fault?" Cloud snapped as he sat down in front of the mess of half-wrapped boxes. Ribbons and other unmentionable stuff necessary for making beautiful wedding favors laid strewn about the floor and couch. "I'm the only one doing any work! I didn't have time to think about wasting even more money!"

"Sheesh, it was just a suggestion, babe." Reno sat next to his boyfriend and picked up a square candle. "Wow, these are square. Have you ever seen a square candle before?"

Cloud rolled his eyes. "Reno, I've been wrapping these damned things for four hours already. Yes, I think I _have_ seen a square candle."

Nodding, Reno just grabbed some of the stuff and dropped them into the decorated box. The sound of breaking glass made both of them jump. After a few seconds, Cloud turned his head to the sweating Turk. "By Shiva, tell me that you did not just drop the stuff into the box."

"I'd love to, babe, but uh, yeah."

"Haven't I been punished enough?" the blond hero asked, looking up to the ceiling. "Ok, since you're too mentally challenged to wrap the gifts, how about you call our guests to make sure that they're coming. Oh, and see if Cid has his fleet of aircrafts ready to take all of us to Costa del Sol."

Rubbing his tired eyes, Reno leaned on his lover's shoulder. "Mmm, you know I love you, right?"

"Sure thing," Cloud mumbled as he struggled to tie the bow on correctly. Reno gave him a peck on the cheek and made his way to the phone.

After an hour of searching, he finally found the guest list with phone numbers. Skimming over it, he decided that calling Rude first was just a no-brainer. "Yo, ma brother from another mother!" he greeted.

Rude chuckled. "Reno? I'm assuming that you haven't had any sleep yet."

"Aw, how'd you know that?"

"Partner, you're way too giddy. You get like that when you're running on fumes."

"Whooo, that's nice to know."

"So, what're you calling for?"

"You comin' to the wedding?" he asked as he twirled a strand of his fiery hair around his cut up finger.

"I'm the best man; of course I'm coming."

"Ah, that's good to know, yo. So, the soon-to-be-wife's been pretty bitchy."

"That sucks."

"Yep. I just wanna get some fuckin' sleep. Is that really too much to ask?"

"Nope."

"So, I feel like just going ta sleep without asking him. Like, I'm a big boy; I don't need fucking permission ta sleep, yo!"

"…"

"It's not fair," he groaned, stifling a yawn. "Can you believe that I'm getting married in three days?"

"It's scary."

"Yeah. Well, I think that I've gotta try on my suit after work an' make sure it fits."

"Reno?"

"Yeah?"

"Aren't you wearing your Turk uniform?"

"Yup. But it's a new one. I ordered it the other day."

"…"

"Can I ask you a favor?" Reno didn't even wait for the affirmative he knew was coming. "There's a guest list here that needs to be confirmed. Wanna do it for me?"

"…you do remember that I was with you on that mission, right?"

"Uh huh." There was a heavy sigh on the line before Rude groaned his assent. Reno slapped the paper on his expensive scanner, scanned it into the computer, and e-mailed it to his partner. "There, I sent it!"

"I hope you enjoy your nap," Rude grumbled.

"Oh, I will."

For the first time in 38 hours, Reno leaned back against his chair and let unconsciousness wrap its sweet arms around him. Dreams flitted across the canvas of his mind and a smile crossed his chapped lips.

When Cloud found him an hour later, even the inner Bridezilla couldn't bring him to wake his lover up.

* * *

**Real life sucks. Seriously. As soon as I get everything worked out, it comes and kicks me in the teeth. On a lighter note, I hope to update everyday until Saturday! XD Wish me luck in that.**


	8. Does it fit?

_**/July 23/**_

"By Bahamut, why me? Why?" Cloud bit his lip as he struggled to get his dress laced up.

"Are you ok in there?" Jacinda asked in an uninterested tone.

"We can help you, you know," Tifa added worriedly.

"I said that I could do it," he huffed as he struggled with the expensive ribbon. The spaghetti strap wedding dress was absolutely stunning, it's simplicity serving to show off his features even better, but all of that was lost on the Bridezilla as he struggled to lace it up himself. "Shiva, it's not like I've never worn a dress before."

"Um, Cloud, you had Aerith help you with that."

"…yeah, you're right," he laughed nervously. "I've never gotten into a dress without help before…"

He could almost feel Jacinda rolling her eyes on the other side of the dressing room door. "Who're trying to fuck with, uke? You not cross-dressing any other time is an impossibility."

Sighing in frustration, Cloud just threw his hands up and kicked the door open. "Fine, help."

A gasp of awe came from Tifa as she admired her one-time boyfriend in his pristine wedding dress. "Oh wow, that looks great, Cloud!"

Jacinda nodded her head in agreement. "Reno's gonna have an orgasm once he gets a look at you in that getup."

Cloud blushed in embarrassment, but he took the compliment. "Uh, thanks. Can you get the damn thing laced up?"

While the two ladies helped the blushing bride with his dress, Reno was at the controls of his favorite helicopter, allowing it to land on the landing pad softly. The ever-present goggles were actually covering his bright green eyes, allowing him to ignore the glare of the hot afternoon sun. Elena was standing away at a safe distance, the wind from the helicopter blades tousling her blond hair. Once the vehicle was turned off and the skinny Turk hopped out of it, she grinned widely and ran up to him. "Hey, Reno!"

The second-in-command sighed as he received a very enthusiastic glomp from her. "What up, yo? You're awfully cheery."

"Well, of course! You're getting married in _two_ days!"

"Ugh, don't remind me," he sighed as the made their way down the stairs. "It just means that I won't get to sleep and I'll have to deal with my bastard of a Bridezilla."

"Oh, Reno," Elena giggled as she swatted his sore arm playfully, "you can be honest with me! I know that you're super excited!"

"If you say so," he grumbled. "Did my damn suit come in?"

"Yep, it's on your desk."

"Ah, my new desk came in too?"

A mischievous smile crossed her lips. "Uh huh; Rufus decided to be kind enough to hand you down his desk."

"Aw, hell no!" Reno groaned, slapping his forehead. "Who knows how many times he's had crazy ass sex on that thing?!"

"At least he never slept with Scarlet."

"Hey, that was a one-time thing!"

"That lasted three months?"

"Gah, is Rude opening his fat mouth again?!"

"No, he's passed out at his desk," Tseng interjected, making both of his subordinates jump in surprise.

"Hey there, Tseng," Reno greeted.

"Hmph, get back to work," he ordered. "We need to get all our work done before the wedding."

"Sure thing," the red-head grumbled as he stretched out.

As soon as Elena ran into the office, Tseng caught Reno's arm and held him back. "So, I take it that there hasn't been any groin shots lately?" he asked with a twinkle in his eye.

"Yeah; it's a good thing too, yo. I like my balls working."

"And your, ahem, 'stretched groin muscle'?"

A blush burned on Reno's face, but he was sticking to that story. "It's doing a lot better. It'll be back to normal in time for the honeymoon."

"Hmm, I wonder how you two plan to even have a honeymoon. I mean, with Tifa and Rufus there."

"Can't you keep your man in control for one night?" Reno begged. "I can bribe that ninja chick to keep Tifa drunk and otherwise occupied, but you're my only hope to keep Rufus out of the picture!"

"Reno, you know that you're asking for a lot," Tseng stated with his damn unreadable face.

"Oh come on, it's just one night! That's as long as you need to keep him out of my life, one lousy night!"

"I can try," Tseng teased with the barest hint of a smile. "But you know Rufus; he's as stubborn as a Midgar Zolom."

The red-head groaned; Tseng was absolutely right. Then again, Reno knew Tseng well and he was sure that if there was anyone who could handle the spoiled and temperamental President, it was the stoic Wutaiese. Sighing tiredly, the groom-to-be grabbed the brand new suit that was resting on the solid wood desk. "I'm gonna try this out to make sure it fits, 'k?"

Tseng shook his head. "Isn't it the same size as your other suits?"

"Yup. Unfortunately, if I don't try the damn thing on, my darling angel will flip his lid and deny me a month of sex."

"Good luck with that."

* * *

Coming home after another long day of work, Reno was still on guard. He had been stalked by paparazzi with them begging to know details, and he wasn't even able to beat them senseless. Boss's orders. However, he was surprised when all was still inside the shared house. Pulling out his electro-rod, he creeped towards the kitchen where he smelled something really good cooking. He was sure that if someone had broken into his house they wouldn't be cooking a meal, but one couldn't be too sure. There were weirdos on this PLANET.

Turning the corner, Reno lowered his weapon and smiled endearingly. His blond lover was bustling about the modest kitchen with his well-worn apron. Pale bare feet padded across the clean tile floor and the short shorts he was wearing flaunted off those sinfully perfect legs. "Hey, baby," he greeted softly.

Cloud turned and shot him a quick smile before turning his attention back to the food. "Sit at the table; I'll be serving in just a second."

"Okay."

Glad to have a moment of rest, he sat heavily on his chair and watched his lover's perfect ass in appreciation. The steaming hot food was set on the plates and brought over to their worn out table. After that, two cups of warm Wutaiese sake was set in front of them. Licking his lips, Reno attacked the food gratefully.

"Is it good?" Cloud asked through a mouthful of the food.

"Hell yeah," Reno complimented. "Damn, you're a great cook! But, what do I owe this fine dinner to?"

The younger of the two patted his lips with a napkin and smiled sweetly at his fiancé. "Well, I know that I've been a bit moody lately, and kind of spastic, so this is an apology. I still love you, and I'm honored that you would want to marry me."

Reno smiled and reached out to hold his soon-to-be-wife's hand. "I love you too, babe, and I forgive you for all the bitchiness and any possible bitchiness in the future. It's worth this short bout of stress if it means living with you for the rest of our lives."

"Damn, you must really want to get laid tonight," Cloud giggled as he squeezed Reno's hand back. "Don't worry; if your cock can take it, I'll give you the ride of your life."

"Oh yeah, Reno Jr. will be _just_ fine."

* * *

**Author's Notes: Ok, so this is a bit late at night, but it's still the 23rd! XD I'll put up the next one earlier, so no worries. **


	9. Sand and Sun

_**/July 24/**_

The day before the wedding. So much to do, and not enough time. Wow, was that an understatement.

"Fucking hell!" Cloud screeched as he rushed around the house, packing his bag. "You were supposed to remind me to pack, Reno!"

"It was kinda hard to remember after a mind-blowing orgasm, yo." Reno scratched his chin before he continued to haphazardly stuff clothes into his bag.

"Well, next time I just won't have sex with you until _after_ we get packed!"

"Come on, baby, let's not get drastic." Indeed, life was not enjoyable at the moment. And what was with all that lovey dovey bullshit last night? Did he seriously promise to forgive his Bridezilla for all the shit to come? "Shiva, I'm such an idiot."

"Did you say something?" Cloud hissed as he looked up from his folded white socks. "Because I don't think I heard you say anything. Isn't that right?"

"Right," Reno grumbled. "Not a peep."

Once their bags were packed, they began the arduous job of getting all their back and all of the favors into their junkie Shinra-issued car. It didn't help any that there were already paparazzi camped out in front of their house. Those nosey and stubborn reporters continued to harass the frazzled couple, asking stupid questions.

"What are the favors?"

"So you've settled on a blue and red scheme?! Is that your favorite colors?"

"Shouldn't you be in Costa del Sol yet?"

"What do you have to say to all of your eager fans?!"

"Piss off!" Reno shouted, completely fed up with the ruthless journalists. "Don't you have anything better to do with your Gaea-forsaken lives?!"

Cloud grabbed him and shoved the angry red-head into the car before any more damage was done. The last thing he wanted to deal with was bailing Reno out of jail the night before their wedding. No sir, everything was going to work out. Not sparing the reporters a glance, the savior of the PLANET pushed up his new sunglasses and got behind the wheel. Rubber burned loudly before the junky car peeled out of the driveway.

* * *

"Okay, Vincent?"

"Present."

"Good," Cloud sighed as he continued down his list. Worthless Reno was already taking a nap inside the _Shera_ while he was stuck to do the backbreaking job of making sure that everyone was present. "Yuffie?"

"You know it!"

"Cid?"

"I'm driving the fuckin' ship, Cloud!"

"Oh, that's right." Scribble, scribble. "Tifa?"

"Yeah, I'm here! Oh, do you need some help?"

"Yes, please," the blond sighed in relief. "Just make sure that we aren't missing anyone and I'll help Cid pack all the bags."

"Sure thing!"

"Yo, Cloud!" Yuffie called out as she looked down on him from the wing of the beautiful airship.

"Yeah?"

"Looks like Barret and the Turks are holding back the screaming fans back successfully!"

"That's good," he sighed happily. Maybe the day wouldn't turn out as bad as he had first thought.

"Ooooh, they pulled out the tear gas!"

"WHAT?!!!"

* * *

"Why Costa del Sol?" Reno groaned as he stepped out into the unbearable sunlight. Heat rose in lazy waves from the itchy sand and the salty air just made his skin crawl.

"It's not so bad," Rude stated as he stepped out in nothing but his Speedos and sunglasses.

"Are you serious?" his partner asked, staring horrified at his friend's choice of swimwear.

The Costan looked down to his partner's level and nodded. "Yup." With that, he walked off towards the beach where he would undoubtedly sit out in the sun all day and return without a centimeter of burns.

"Bastard," Reno grumbled as he pulled his goggles snuggly over his eyes. "This place'll burn my freakin' retinas…"

"HOOORAAYYYY!!!!!" With that shriek of joy, the ninja girl he hated so much trampled him into the burning hot sands.

While Reno tried to make his way to the hotel with the least amount of sun exposure as possible, Cloud suffered through overseeing the unloading of the airships. Once that was over, he decided to relax a little bit more. After all, tomorrow was the big day and he didn't want the whole experience to be stressful. A little sun couldn't hurt, right? Settling in the sand next to the barely clad Tifa, he sighed in exhaustion and closed his eyes. The airship ride had really pushed him to his limits and he didn't even have the comfort of any medication to ease his motion sickness. Nope, that had been one of the items he had left at home.

"Fuck, those news people are everywhere," Tifa grumbled.

"What?" Cloud cried in distress as he sat up. On the other side of the beach, a bunch of reporters were trying to make their way over to the wedding party. Fortunately, Reno had paid the hotel a nice little sum for the extra service of body-guard duty. All of the hotel's staff was now busily engaged in holding back the curious reporters. "Wow, those hotel guys are really nice," he mumbled before falling back onto his beach towel.

"Yeah," Tifa sighed before falling back on her towel as well. "So, I'm glad that you've finally found someone to settle down with."

Clenching his eyes shut, Cloud tried not to get frustrated. He was pretty sure he knew where this was going. "Yeah."

"Were you ever that happy with me?" she asked casually.

Sigh. "Tifa, I was happy with you."

"Then why did you leave me for another man?" Again, there wasn't any anger in her voice, but she was still ruining his peace.

"Tifa, do we really have to get into this? I mean, this is the day before my wedding and I'm trying to relax."

"You don't have to get mad," she huffed. "I just feel like I deserve an explanation."

"I've never had to give you one before!"

"Yes, but you weren't getting married before. You're getting married now."

"Okay, that's really dumb reasoning."

"Cloud, answer the damn question."

Another sigh of eternal patience. "I dumped you because I loved Reno. I liked you, but I loved him."

There was a moment of silence. Then, "Well that sucks."

Thankfully, Tifa didn't break out a Limit Break and he was able to drift off into a light sleep. Or at least, he thought it was a light sleep until he tried to roll over and realized that he couldn't move. Eyes snapping open, Cloud looked down and groaned as he realized that he had been buried in sand. Even more humiliating, whoever buried him had also thought it would be funny to sculpt Tifa-sized breasts on top of the mound of his chest.

"I'm going to kill you, Yuffie!" he yelled in warning before fighting his way through the itchy and heavy sand.

Shaking the sand out of his hair, Cloud looked up at the clear blue sky and sighed heavily. This place was absolutely gorgeous, and he was glad that they were getting married on the beach. Tomorrow was going to be perfect, he was absolutely sure of it.

"Ah, nothing could possibly go wrong…"

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**Author's Notes: Ok, so I know that this chapter sucks. Don't worry, though! Next chapter is the wedding, so prepare yourself for the Bridezilla wedding of the century!!**


	10. Wedding Day

**This chapter is dedicated to the lovely Bekas Strife. Bekas is just plain awesome and a great friend and fan. Thanks for always reviewing and for all the encouragement.**

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**_**/July 25/**_

_5:30 AM_

"Oh my Gaea, you have got to be kidding me," a very pissed off Cloud stated in a deadly whisper. Reno cracked open an eye and looked over at his sexy ass boyfriend; the sight that met him sent shivers down his spine. "What do you mean that you misplaced the order for my flowers? I finalized the order Monday, fucking Monday!!!" Fire flashed in his eyes. "No, no, that's _not _what I wanted and that sure as hell better not be what you send me."

Reno looked back at the clock and groaned unhappily. It was way too early in the morning for this kind of garbage. "No way," he groaned slowly.

"That isn't acceptable! This is my damn wedding day and I don't care if you have to sacrifice someone to the gods to get my flowers, but you sure as hell better get me _my_ flowers! And they better be on fucking time!"

Wow, his little kitten was fiery today. It seemed to be a warning of what the future of the day would hold. The voice on the other side of the phone seemed panicked and he couldn't help but smile. If that flower shop didn't do exactly what Cloud wanted, they could kiss future business goodbye. After all, no one would buy flowers at a place that couldn't serve the hero of the PLANET.

"You know what, I don't care. Just get it done!" With that, Cloud slammed his expensive new phone shut. "Stupid asses," he grumbled.

"Don't let that get you down," Reno comforted, reaching out to rub his lover's bare leg. "Today's gonna be great, so no worries."

Cloud huffed and ran his fingers through his hair agitatedly. "I'm not sure," he grumbled. "I've got a bad feeling."

"It's just cold feet," the red-head stated with a grin. "Wedding days are supposed to be happy, so just keep that in mind." Grinning even wider, he slipped his hand up higher, hoping to get lucky.

Cloud snorted in amusement. Only Reno would try to get sex from him when he was pissed off. The thought of refusing him crossed the younger man's mind, but his lover's stupid grin and talented fingers were just too hard to say no to. Grinning, he rolled over on top of Reno and attacked his lips hungrily. Smiling widely into the kiss, Reno attacked back just as fiercely. He couldn't wait to marry this man, finalizing their commitment to each other for the rest of their lives, but he couldn't help but think that today was going to test that commitment. Maybe, just maybe, some hot and heavy sex would make it all better.

_7:04 AM_

"Are you still sleeping, Reno?" Cloud chided none too happily. "I need help, so get your ass up!"

"Ugh, sure thing, babe." Rubbing the sleep from his eyes, he rolled off the bed. Evidence of their coupling earlier still clung to him, so he was ushered into the bathroom before his bridezilla-to-be sent him on errands.

First thing to attend to was making sure that Jacinda and Eric were working their butts off preparing for the ceremony. There was a nice chapel overlooking the shore and all of the decorations needed to be put up, the runner needed to be placed, and once all that was finished the reception room at the hotel needed to be prepared. Of course, all of this needed to be supervised by the anal retentive Cloud. And a reluctant Reno who really didn't give a damn.

"Can you believe that the sun is already out?" Reno questioned as he stood near the window in nothing but a towel. A cold can of beer was promptly popped open and the liquid gold was guzzled down expertly. "I'm gonna get a fucking burn."

"Quit bitching, Reno," Cloud commanded as he bustled about. "And don't get a burn or I'll skin you."

"Well, you knew about my sensitive skin before picking this spot to get married, so don't get all fussy if I burn."

"I'll skin you."

"Bastard."

"Do you really want to piss me off, Reno? Really?"

The Turk took a deep breath and tried to remember that shit about reducing stress with controlled breathing. "Nope, I don't."

"Then get some damn clothes on, put that beer down, and see if Jacinda and Eric have everything that they need."

"Ok, fine," Reno grumbled.

Unfortunately, asking Reno to do something, anything really, was just asking for a disaster. On the path to checking up on his wedding planners, he was side-tracked. The much-hated ninja girl had gotten into Rude's room to steal his Materia (-cough cough-) and so the two of them got involved in a rather loud fist-fight. Being Rude's best friend, of course Reno had to stick up for him. After the fight, he and Rude went for some early morning beers and then they were graced with a hungry post-coital Rufus who had brilliantly walked out into the breezy porch in _nothing_ but a short bathrobe. Yeah, they knew that because that lovely breeze provided the necessary lift to give them a clear view of their boss's rear end. It was…horrifying.

_12:45 PM_

Since the wedding was planned to be at 5:00 PM, Cloud naturally wanted everyone dressed and ready by 1:00 PM. Wedding pictures needed to be taken, and since it was almost guaranteed that ruthless paparazzi were going to try to take pictures of their own, Cloud was planning on the photo shoot lasting at least two hours so that they could properly threat the photographers and still get some great shots.

Unfortunately, things didn't always work out as planned.

"Damn it!" Tifa screeched as the smell of burning hair filled the bride's room. Yuffie looked worriedly and only succeeded in smearing her make-up.

"Shiva, did you just burn your hair?" Cloud cried in a panic. "We don't have time for your hair to be burned!"

"Shut up, Cloud!" she retorted as she struggled to work with her long hair. "Just worry about yourself and get into that dress!"

"I'm trying!" he hissed. "It's these damn lace-ups! I hate them, they're just so fucking annoying!"

"Then why'd you get that dress?" Yuffie asked innocently, not at all prepared for the horror she was asking for.

"Why?! Because I am the only fucking man on this PLANET getting married in a damn _dress_ and I have to look _perfect_! Are you blind? Did you not see all those jerks out there wanting to get a picture of the 'Savior of the PLANET' in a wedding dress? At least I have to look good! I couldn't live if my picture was posted all over gossip magazines and I looked fat or ugly!"

Yuffie meeped and wisely chose to not comment. At that moment, Vincent pushed the door open and peeked in. Everyone squealed as they tried to hide Cloud from prying eyes. "What do you want?" Tifa snapped, he breasts threatening to pop right out of her dress.

"Reno wants to know if Cloud's ready."

"Ready?!" Cloud shrieked in fury. "I've still got to get Tifa's make-up on, my dress laced up, heels to strap on, and Yuffie to slap around!"

"Hey, why do you want to slap me around?" the Wutaiese girl pouted.

"Hey, where's your bouquet?" Vincent asked calmly, ignoring the ranting Bridezilla.

Everyone froze. "Shit," Cloud hissed as he looked around. "Oh my Hades, the flowers!!!!"

"What?! What's wrong with the floweres?" Tifa asked, freaking out just as much as the bride.

"They messed up my order, the flowers are going to be late!"

"Oh dear," Vincent sighed. "How late is 'late'?"

"It's…I don't know!!!"

Rolling his eyes at the panicked uproar the bridal party got into, Vincent just ran a hand through his perfectly groomed hair. "I'll have Jacinda check it out, so just calm down and worry about getting ready for those pictures."

Making his way back to the groom's room, Vincent sighed in relief. It was definitely calmer in Reno's room; after all, they were guys and they didn't have to make a fuss about what they wore. Since they were already ready, the guys were just chilling out and drinking beer. Lots and lots of beer.

"What'd he say, yo?" Reno asked as soon as Vincent stepped in.

"The flowers are going to be late. He wants you to talk to Jacinda and see what 'late' means."

"Freakin' bastard," the groom-to-be grumbled as he slipped off his jacket. No one offered to help him or do it for him, so the second-in-command stomped off to find their wedding planner. When he did find her, she was busy at work in their reception room. "Hey, got a minute?" he drawled watching as she ordered people about.

"Yeah, give me a sec. Just sit outside for a minute while I deal with these mentally retarded people."

"Okay."

Taking a seat on the cushioned rocking chair, the easily bored Turk began to rock himself back and forth. Back and forth. Baaack and…forth. Hmmm, that sun was a bit warm, but it didn't matter since he would only be out for a minute. Baaack…and….forth…

"Oh dear Ancients."

The sound of Jacinda's voice snapped him out of his light sleep. "Hnnngh?" he muttered sleepily. Through bleary eyes he saw her wide eyes and gaping mouth. "Wha?"

"Y-your face," she stuttered. "Um, it's…dude, you've got like a third degree burn on your face."

That's when the pain hit, and the unfortunately pale white Turk screamed in horror and agony.

_4:27 PM_

"I can't believe that you got a sunburn," Cloud hissed as the whole bridal party bustled about to get their pictures taken. "I only asked one thing of you; 'don't get fucking burned'!"

"Yeah, yeah, yeah," the Turk hissed, still feeling the pain of the burns. He had already taken several potions and had been getting Cured every fifteen minutes, so it wasn't that bad. It was now a bright pink, but it still hurt.

"We're going to have your damn tomato face in our pictures!"

"So? At least that's better than the damn scowls you've been wearing in _all _the pictures."

"I am not scowling," he hissed to his defense.

"Whatever." A sharp pinch to his sensitive cheek shut Reno up quickly.

After a pause, Cloud changed subjects. "At least they got my flowers right."

"Great."

"At least pretend to be a little interested!"

"I am-"

Before he could continue his ranting, one of the beautiful, emergency-shipped flowers flopped out of the bouquet before promptly getting trampled by one of the photographers.

"What the hell?!" Cloud screeched in horror. Jacinda ran over and tried the remedy the gaping hole in his bouquet. Drawing on all of her skills as a wedding planner, she was able to use some good ol' fashion southern ingenuity to get the hole covered up and make the small bundle of flowers as good as new.

Once his mind was off his bouquet, the Bridezilla's attention was turned to the time. "Gaea, we need to hurry this up!! Everyone move it!"

Tugging his hair in annoyance, Reno found himself wondering for the umpteenth time why he decided to marry such a spazz.

_5:02 PM_

"Tifa, I can't do it," Cloud gasped as he stood nervously in the bathroom of the chapel. "I can't walk out there."

"Yes you can," she replied half-heartedly. "Come on, don't you love him, or some shit like that?"

"Of course I do! It's just…am I ready for such a commitment?"

"You're asking me? The chick you left for a man?"

"Tifa, you aren't helping."

She shrugged and stuffed her breast back into her dress. It kept squeezing out for some reason. "Um, why are you in the women's bathroom, out of curiosity?"

"So that Reno can't come get me."

"Ah, great idea."

Silence settled between them as Cloud went over his light make-up and all the hair clips that were keeping his out-of-control hair tamed. Biting his lip, he looked down at his beautiful white dress, and he sighed just remembering Reno's reaction once he saw his blushing bride. His gorgeous green eyes widened in pleasant surprise and his tongue dragged along his lower lip. Hunger burned and he stared at Cloud like he was ready to eat him up. Even the memory made him shiver in pleasure. Clenching his fists, the nervous bride decided to make the biggest decision in his life. He was either going to walk out on Reno and probably never see him again, or he was going to marry the man of his dreams and live happily ever after.

While the drama in the bathroom was going on, a drama of a whole different animal was playing out in the chapel.

"Shit, where're the rings?" Reno gasped as he realized that Denzel was holding an empty pillow.

Denzel shrugged. "I don't know, you gave me this pillow just like it is."

"Hades, this is not happening! Rude, have you seen the rings?"

Rude paled. "Do not tell me that you lost the damn rings."

"Fuck, I lost the rings!" he shouted, making everyone in the chamber freak out. People began searching through handbags, under pews, under cushions, behind tapestries, and anywhere else imaginable. Then to add to the urgency, the music began to play, signaling that Cloud was going to be making his entrance soon. Everyone scrambled back to their seats, hoping beyond all hopes that a miracle would happen and that the rings would just appear out of the blue. Although that didn't quite happen, it all worked out. "Oh, found it," he mumbled as he pulled them out of his pant pockets. "Sorry!"

"Shut up," Rude hissed, knocking him on the back of his head.

Straightening himself up, Reno looked down the aisle and witnessed happily as his beautiful bride appeared, flawless as ever. Cloud's shining blue eyes glistened with tears as he walked toward the man he had decided to live with forever.

_1:24 AM_

Still giggling from the ridiculous amount of alcohol they had consumed at the reception, Reno struggled to get the tight, sexy get-up off of his horny bride. "H-hurry up," Cloud whined, every bit as smashed as his now-husband.

"Aw hell," Reno snorted before just lifting up the skirt of the dress and shoved Cloud onto their bed.

The drunken hero only laughed harder and helped to hold the copious amount of material up out of the way. "Mmmm, I love you Reno Strife," he giggled.

"Ifrit, don't remind me," Reno growled in annoyance.

"W-well (hiccup), 's not like you ever use a last name. 'Sides, I l-like my name."

"Just shut up and spread 'em," Reno commanded. He refused to dwell on the fact that his _bride_, the one wearing the dress, convinced him to take the last name "Strife". Yes, he had to drink a hell of a lot of alcohol before he could even look at the damn marriage certificate. "You're lucky that I like you," he added grumpily.

"Like? Hahahaha, you looooovvvve me!"

Smiling, Reno smashed their lips together in a passionate kiss. Somehow, he truly did believe that he loved this crazy bastard. Why? Did it even matter?

In the arms of the man he loved, he just couldn't believe that it did.

"Yeah, yeah, I guess I do."

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**Author's notes: Yeah, so this was written until like 4 in the morning, so if there are any errors please forgive me. I'll go over this after the weekend (since I won't have internet access until then). I hope that you've enjoyed the story and my unusually fast updating. It was fun! I'll add an epilouge on Monday or Tuesday, and then that'll be the end! Please review and let me know what you thought.**


	11. Epilogue: One year later

**NOTE: The italics are my way of separating what they're seeing on the video and what they are doing at the moment.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Bridezilla or Final Fantasy VII**

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**_**/One year later…/**_

"Reno? Are you home?!" Cloud huffed as he walked into their house carrying shopping bags.

"Yeah, babe; I'm in the living room!"

"Is your lazy ass watching television again?" he asked without much vehemence. He was just utterly exhausted. Although it was their first wedding anniversary, Reno hadn't said anything about it and he acted like he didn't even know. Well, it was probably the truth, though; when it came to dates and _important_ things, Reno was absolutely worthless. Still, one would think that he would at least remember their _first_ anniversary. Thus, all the bags. Since he didn't want to be thrown into jail for murdering his husband, he took out all his stress by binge buying.

"Yeah," Reno called out immediately, completely oblivious to his wife's distress. "Can you bring me a beer?"

Biting his lip, Cloud dropped all of his bags on the kitchen table and grabbed a beer from their refrigerator. He was fully intent on throwing the stupid can at his idiot husband, but as soon as he entered their modest living room, a pleasant gasp escaped his lips. Two candles rested on either side of their coffee table and the top tier of their wedding cake sat between them. Red rose petals were sprinkled on the table around the cake and a bottle of crisp fruity wine with two glasses complimented the whole arrangement. "Shiva," he gasped, dropping the cold can of beer.

Reno smiled sultrily and curled his finger in a beckoning motion. "Come here, kitten," he drawled, bringing a blush to his soul mate's cheek. Once Cloud settled next to him on the couch, Reno placed a chaste kiss on his cheek and whispered a husky, "Happy anniversary, Cloud."

"You…remembered?" he asked in awe. This was totally unexpected.

The red-headed Turk chuckled. "Of course I did!"

Grinning stupidly, Cloud watched as Reno sliced up the cake and poured the drinks. Once everything was ready, he added another surprise. Pulling the remote control from behind him, he turned on the television and started playing their wedding tape. The excited blond squealed in delight and hugged his husband tightly.

"Oh, thank you, thank you, Reno!"

"No problem, kitten," he purred. "By the way, this isn't the professional video; I thought that the one recorded by Cid and Vincent would be a lot more entertaining."

"You're right," Cloud snickered. "This is going to be interesting."

Cuddling against each other with their cake and wine, the two watched the home-made video.

"_So, this is Cloud 'n Reno's wedding," Cid commented as he shakily zoomed in on the sign at the hotel. "Congratulations Reno and Cloud" was written in large bold letters. Zooming out, the old man panned across the beautiful scenery of Costa del Sol's beach. At the edges, a large group of paparazzi was visible. "The whole damn world wants ta get themselves a lookie, but that worthless Turk finally did something right and got all them people who work at the damn hotel to hold off intruders."_

"_Hmm, I have a sneaking suspicion that we'll probably have to throw out a reporter or two by the end of the day."_

"_Yeah, well, that don't matter. We'll make sure that our damn Spike gets his fucking wedding and that it's perfect."_

_The tip of Vincent's cape made it into the frame as the two of them made their way to the chapel. "You're sounding a bit like a protective father," Vincent muttered with smile in his voice. _

"_Shut yer yap, old man," Cid grumbled. "Ok, so here's the damn wedding chapel. The, er, flowers are gonna be late so just pretend that they're all there."_

"Bahamut," Cloud groaned as he leaned against Reno's chest. "I remember those flowers. It pissed me off so much that they were late."

"At least they got there."

"_So, I think that the flowers'll be roses and…petunias? Maybe? I don't fucking know."_

"Petunias?!" Cloud cried in horror. "He thought I had _petunias_ in my wedding?!"

Reno couldn't help but laugh. "This is Cid, kitten! He doesn't know the difference between a dandelion and a daffodil."

"And you do?"

"…just watch the video."

_The camera spun around to take in the comfortable and intimate chapel. Dark wood pews had white cushions to keep all the guests comfortable and in the front by the alter, Jacinda was organizing the material that hung between the pews in preparation for the flowers. Eric was doing the drapes that would keep the ceremony out of the public eye. _

"_As you can see," Vincent commented, "the wedding planners that were hired are actually doing their jobs. Hurray."_

"_Hey there, doll," Cid called out as he approached the beautiful Jacinda. She was wearing a cute black dress with lots of lace and her hair was in a gothic updo. _

"_How can I help you, old man?" she asked calmly as she pinned the tulle swags in place. _

"_Damn it all! Why the hell's everyone goin' around calling me an ol' man?!"_

_She just smiled and continued with her work. "Because you are a fucking old man, Cid. Now, what can I do to help you?"_

"_We're just recording this for Cloud and Reno," Vincent interjected. "A sort of behind-the-scenes. Can you tell us about how things are going and any predictions you have?"_

_Biting her dark purple painted lip, she thought about the question. "Weeelllll, things haven't exactly been working out perfect, but that's what I'm for. Smiling sweetly at the camera, she continued. "When you two watch this, just know that you don't have to worry about all the details. As long as you two enjoyed the wedding, that's all you need to know. As for predictions? I think that those two are going to do just fine in the future."_

Cloud smiled and snuggled even further against Reno. "She was right, wasn't she?"

"Yep."

_Once they were finished interviewing Jacinda and Eric, the two old men continued to wander through the rest of the area, interviewing everyone that they came upon. _

"_Congrats you two big dummies!" Yuffie screamed excitedly. "Good luck on your future!"_

"_Hmmm, I'm sure that Cloud will keep my partner in line, which is good because that idiot needs it," Rude stated calmly. _

"_I'm still a little bitter," Tifa admitted, "but I love Cloud and I really do care for him, so I'll support him no matter what. Congratulations guys."_

"_Well that fool is marryin' a Turk, so what should I say?" Barrett huffed. "Just don' let him screw you over, Spiky! And if he ever tries to beat you or somethin' let me know and I'll take care of him for ya."_

Grinning even wider, he pinched Reno's side. "Now you have to take care of me really well or Barrett will kick you ass."

"Don't get me started on that oil-drilling bastard," the Turk grumbled.

"_Well then," Tseng sighed as he brushed his long hair out of his face. The wind blew it right back in his face. "I must admit that I've been surprised that they've managed to stay together for so long without killing each other, but I'm also happy. I hope that you guys will live happily for the rest of your lives."_

_Rufus sipped on his tea before sharing his thoughts. "As long as he doesn't ask for a bunch of days off, I'll be ok with Reno marrying Cloud. It might even toughen him up a bit. Oh yeah, congratulations."_

_After interviewing practically everyone there, the two guys recorded Reno's little beer binge with the rest of the guys._

"Reno!" Cloud cried in dismay. "How many beers did you have?"

He shrugged. "I dunno; kind of lost count after the twentieth."

"You were drunk when we got married?!"

"No! Just a bit buzzed. I did wait until after the ceremony before I got shit-faced."

"Oh yeah, that makes it fine."

"Don't pout," Reno mumbled. "Besides, you couldn't even tell!"

"True…just don't do it again."

"Kitten, we are _not_ getting married again."

_Vincent took control of the camera next and those two made their way to the reception room. By this time, they were completely prepared except for the elusive flowers. Crystal vases rested in the center of each table and although they were clear at the top, the crystal faded into a rich blue at the bottom. Surrounded each vase were deep red plates and clear goblets, and under all of that was a soft white tablecloth. The whole design of the reception room was sleek and simplistic and even Cid had to grumble that it looked nice. _

_Finally, the flowers arrived and it signaled the beginning of the actual wedding. Everyone was bustling about and getting ready. Yuffie ran past the camera in her underwear, making Cid scream and curse at her for her impropriety. Vincent just chuckled and held him back. After what seemed like forever, the guests where situated in the chapel with the exception of Cid and Barrett._

"_Unfortunately, the paparazzi have grown a bit restless," Vincent explained as kept the film rolling. "A few of the more talented reporters have broken through the protective barrier of hotel workers just as Cid and I predicted. Oh well. Cloud's locked himself into the bathroom, so he's absolutely clueless and I think that Reno's buzzed enough not to care."_

"You're horrible," Cloud groaned.

"At least I wasn't the one who locked himself in the bathroom," Reno snickered.

"Oh, shut up. You were too drunk to be nervous."

_Vincent walked into the chapel just in time to see a panicked Reno searching for the rings along with _every_ guest. _Cloud glared at Reno and the red-head just gulped down some more wine. _As soon as the music started playing, the ex-Turk turned the camera to the entrance and waited for Cloud to show up. A faint, "Oh, found it," was heard just before the doors opened to reveal the blushing bride. Cloud's usually unruly hair had been pinned into submission with beautiful and subtle hair pins and only very faint makeup was used to make his stunning eyes stand out even more. His well shaped SOLDIER arms were left bare and spaghetti straps rested against his sculptured shoulders and clavicles. The top of the dress clung to his body in a strangely flattering way but it flared out the further down it got. Lace decorated the front part of the dress's skirt, but the rest was left plain. Because he was still a guy and not exactly a pro at walking in dresses, the train was kept short and Cloud was allowed to walk barefoot. _

"_There's the bride," Vincent mumbled making Cloud grin even wider and the blush grow deeper. _

_Clutching the blood red rose bouquet tightly, Cloud walked up the aisle on the rose-petal runner delicately and purposefully. Reno fidgeted a little at the alter, but the smile on his face made it evident that he was just excited to be getting married. All of the guests gave Cloud encouraging smiles and a few even got teary eyed. A quick glance back with the camera revealed that Cid and Barrett managed to make it in quietly enough not to disturb the ceremony. Looking back towards the front, the camera showed Cloud gently taking Reno's hands and the two of them staring into each other's eyes as the priest recited his lines. There was some sniffling from the guests, and even Vincent had to shift his grip on the camera, presumably to wipe his eyes._

"_Do you, Reno, take Cloud Strife as your beloved partner? To love and cherish, to care for as best you can, until death do you part?"_

"_I do."_

"_Do you, Cloud Strife, take Reno as your beloved partner? To love and cherish, to care for as best you can, until death do you part?"_

"_I do," Cloud sniffled. A single tear rolled down his cheek and Reno gently brushed it away and smiled. _

"_Do you have the rings?" he asked Reno, making the Turk grin sheepishly. _

"_Right here, yo," he said, signaling for Denzel to come forward._

_Each of them grabbed the rings and gently placed the bands on the respective owner. _

"_By the powers bestowed on me, I pronounce you partners in life! Reno, you may kiss the bride!"_

_Grabbing Cloud passionately, Reno dipped him down and gave him a big sloppy kiss. Everyone cheered, including the best man, Rude, and the maid of honor, Tifa. Pulling back from the kiss, Reno lifted up his life partner and with intertwined hands, they made their way down the runner while everyone threw rice at them._

"Awww," Reno cooed as Cloud wiped his eyes.

"It was a beautiful wedding, wasn't it?" he choked.

"Yeah, kitten, it was. The best damn wedding I've ever been to."

"Um, isn't it the only wedding you've been to?"

"…so?"

"That's still nice of you."

_The camera was once again under Cid's skillful guidance and the scene had shifted to the reception. Music blared loudly and a people hurried through their refreshing dinner in order to hit the dance floor. The view zoomed in on Cloud and Reno sharing their meal in the most disgustingly sweet way imaginable. They even crossed arms to drink the champagne. And then, they drank some more…and more…_

_By the time they had to cut the cake, the two love birds were wobbling around a bit. Cloud was just giggling like a madman. The beautiful cake was five tiers with elegant red markings. Dark blue fondant roses were set delicately on the top tier. _The same tier that was now digesting in their stomachs. _The large knife cut through a giant piece of the cake and then it was shoved into each other's faces. It didn't look like they got any of it in their mouths. Drinking even more alcohol, the newlyweds carried on just as happily as they could, dancing together and with others on the dance floor, making out, and otherwise entertaining themselves. Tifa tried singing while drunk, a nipple peeking out; she ended up puking on one of Costan hotel workers and getting escorted out. _

_When the scene switched again, Yuffie was whispering conspiratorially. "This is the great ninja Yuffie on a most wonderful mission." The camera scanned around at the drunken guests before settling on two guests who seemed quite lucid. Vincent was brushing Cid's hair back, whispering things to him and leaning quite close. Cid whispered back grumpily before leaning down and giving Vincent a peck on the lips. _

"Oh my Gaea!" Cloud squealed happily. "I didn't know they were a couple!"

Reno was trying not to look sick; he had just witnessed two old people kiss.

"_Those two have tried to hide from me, the great ninja!" she whispered excitedly. "Ooooh, but when I get this home, I'll be able to blackmail them into giving me steamy gay porn!"_

"This idiot didn't realize she grabbed our camera," Reno groaned. "Sneaky little she-devil, I can't believe that she wanted to bribe them for stuff like that!"

Cloud was still giggling. "They're a couple!"

The video ended, leaving the two together in darkness. Reno leaned over and kissed his lover, getting a quick response. Their tongues tangled together in a loving embrace and Reno held Cloud close to him.

"Do you love me?" Cloud asked sweetly, stroking his husband's chest.

"Of course, kitten."

"Then will you help me make those two a public couple? We might get another wedding!"

"Ugh, you had to ask that," he groaned. "Yeah, yeah, whatever you want."

A kiss was pressed to the Turk's chin and then Cloud sighed. "We've had a great year, haven't we?"

"Yup."

"This next year is going to be even better."

Reno couldn't help but chuckle at that. "Why do you say that?"

"Well," Cloud started before taking Reno's hand, "I've got good news! I'm pregnant!"

At that moment, Reno couldn't have been happier that they were completely hidden in the dark because he was sure that all the color had drained from his face.

"H-how?"

"Do you really want to know the nitty gritty details?" Cloud snapped.

"Nope!" Reno replied immediately, giving Cloud a squeeze. "I-I'm so excited!"

Dear Shiva, now there was a Momzilla ready to unleash his fury on the PLANET.

* * *

**Author's Notes: So, I have recently discovered that there is a ritual for the first year anniversary. Supposedly, when a couple gets married, they take the top tier of the cake and freeze it for an entire year. Once the anniversary comes, the bring out the cake and eat it. Apparently, wedding cake is super awesome and will taste fresh even after that year. **

**So, I'm sad and yet happy that this is now over. I was disappointed in the last chapter, and I'm sure that some of the readers seemed to feel that way too. I apologize for that, but I hope that this epilogue has made up for it. This was a fun little story and thank you for all the support. For those who stuck through, a huge hug and a giant thank you.  
**


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